


common to all people

by IsleofSolitude



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Aphrodite's marriage, Aziraphale is Aphrodite, Greek mythology adaptation, TCH gift exchange
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22052098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsleofSolitude/pseuds/IsleofSolitude
Summary: Aziraphale washes up on the shore and the gods worry about the power balance. The solution? Marry him off.(A retelling of Aphrodite's mythos with Aziraphale as Aphrodite. Less dysfunction than the greek gods but just as much chaos and insults.)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	common to all people

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SebastianMoranhasarrived](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SebastianMoranhasarrived/gifts).



> This was written for the Top Crowley Hell Discord 2019 gift exchange.
> 
> Seb, you are a joy to talk to and I'm so glad I met you! <3

No one knows what became of Eden.

When the humans left their birthplace, they headed west across the narrow isthmus. The garden of creation had been theirs, but now they were to make the long trek and try their luck elsewhere. When the last foot had passed onto their new home, the sea had risen up and made it clear that there was no turning back. 

It did not take long for the squabbling mass of gods to follow. Some speculate they, too, were banished. Others believe they wanted to see what became of the humans--to mock them or assist them, depending on what whim took their fancy. Many also do not know if the gods planned to go back--not that they were given the option. The moment the last god’s feet sank into the white sand, the surf hissed and boiled. Where once was tranquil and quiet sea, large gasping bubbles beat faster and faster, a smell that made the gods shuffle away, until all the water in sight was a foaming, clear warning: Eden was off limits. 

And so humans and gods started a new way of life. Many forgot the ways of creation. Some yearned for a missing part of them, but many found ways to cope--some good. Most not. There existed a delicate balance.

Years went by. 

Then the sea calmed.

* * *

“....The fuck?”

“What is that?”

Two gods, of equal confusion, watched the shoreline they had been told to go to. Humans had been speculating and crying that the sea had changed, Beezlebub had told them, but they wanted visual confirmation. 

The eastern sea was indeed calm. For the first time in ages, the sunlight glittered on gentle waves of aquamarine. There were birds flying overhead, and farther out, sea life swam in silver glints just under the surface. And, wedged onto the only strip of sand the whole shore had, was an enlarged oyster shell, the dull blacks and browns transformed into something beautiful with the additions of pale pink and blue veins running through them. 

Hastur stared. He had never in his life found the word beautiful in his vocabulary, but today was apparently a new day. “We...Should we go see what that is?”

Ligur snorted. “We weren’t told to do that.” He let out a deep breath. The last time he had seen the ocean, it had disturbed even him with the malice in the air. He was equally disturbed by this new sense, this  _ freshness  _ in the environment, as though the sea had never told them to stay away, that they were unwelcome. The cliffs and the openness was getting to him. He wanted to be back in the forest, with his hounds, chasing the strong and foolish and triumphing over them. 

Hastur poked him. “Is it supposed to do that?”

The shell had begun to glow, and a steamy smoke began to escape. Then, the top half lifted and a figure, cloaked in white, stumbled out, feet sinking into the sand. The sense of divinity was unmistakable, and Ligur felt his jaw drop. 

“....The fuck?” 

* * *

Beezlebub looked out towards the gathered gods, and grimaced. Thank goodness for Lesley’s ability to deliver messages in a timely manner, or else someone would have been left out and absolutely  _ bitched _ up a storm. And then  _ they  _ would have had to deal with it. 

She grimaced again, looking for her husband. He must have been out there already, he usually was good at leading by example. As the mouthpiece of the gods to the humans, he had always felt he needed to be front and center during assemblies. That, she understood, but the need to host? To greet? No. People would assemble and then she would come and they would pay attention. She did not understand Gabriel’s persistence in small talk. 

And sure enough, there he was, standing between Uriel, having washed up from her duties putting the sun to rest, and Dagon, who as fitting of her name had been given the first refreshments already. 

Beezlebub eyed the rest of the gods. Some of them, the craftsmith, messenger, and warmonger she skimmed over, their height and unique hair easily being pinpointed in the candlelight. Michael sat, a parchment angled in her lap as she marked it up with her pen. Sandalophon stood near the wall, a few younger gods gathered round as he spoke seriously with them.

She counted off a few more of the major players, and then entered, nodding in greeting. Sprawling in her elevated throne, she waited. 

It wasn’t long until her husband climbed to stand beside her, handing her a full glass of ambrosia before clapping his hands. The sound of chattering tapered off, and Gabriel gave a giant smile as it fell silent.

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice. We would not have inconvenienced you unless we had something very important to discuss.” The god paused for effect. Beezlebub smirked into her cup and slurped it loudly. She could feel the pout he was trying to hide and felt her mood improve. “We have received rumors, from the mortals, that the Eastern sea has been acting unusual lately, so we sent Hastur and Ligur to report on it. It seems, in fact, as though the sea has become peaceful.”

The muttering started.

“Peaceful how?”

“What do you mean?”

“Any reason you sent those two?”

Gabe ignored them all. “They report that the energy has changed. There are animals in and above the water now, and the flora has regrown. They also reported something else. A stranger.” The crowd stared at him. 

“What, like a human?”

Gabriel looked at Beezlebub then, and she patted his hand. “A divine stranger.”

The room erupted into chaos.

“Is there to be a war?”

“A stranger from the sea?”

“Who is it?”

Beezlebub stood and handed her glass back to Gabriel. “SILENCE.”

The room fell silent again as the Queen of the Gods glared down anyone who hesitated to obey. Once the last mouth had closed, she fixed her gaze on the back entrance. “Send them in.”

The door opened, with Ligur and Hastur walking side by side through it, both still dirty from their hasty return. Hastur stayed by the door while Ligur joined his twin near a column, and the stranger walked in.

His curls were moonlight white, and his eyes were a striking blue. He was clothed in a simple tunic, one piece that went from shoulder to ankle. Despite the long travel and grueling pace his escorts had insisted on taking, there was hardly any sign of disarray or mess on him. The stranger paused as he felt the full force of dozens of divine eyes on him, and he looked around helplessly. One pudgy hand lifted. “Erm, hello.” 

Gabriel’s hand fell on her wrist and he squeezed. She braced herself and waited. Three breathes, and then…

“Who is he?”

“What is the meaning of this?”

“Do you want to fight?”

“Who are you?”

They let the questions flow for a minute, and then Gabriel whistled. “Let’s give the little sunshine a chance to answer, yes?” To the stranger, he let out a big grin. “Come up here, stranger, and let us know you.”

There was no sound other than the soft plops his bare feet made on the floor as he crossed the room and took the three steps up the dias. He was taller than Beezlebub but shorter than Gabriel.

“I am Gabriel. And this is my spouse Beezlebub. And you are?” 

“A...Aziraphale.” 

When it was clear the stranger was not going to add a title after his name, Gabriel forged on. “Where do you hail from?” Here, the crowd held its breath.

Pudgy hands fidgeted. “I’m...not sure? I just. Remember stars and water and then waking up, walking onto a beach.”

Gabriel and Beezlebub shared a glance.

“And why have you come here?”

Aziraphale’s brows creased. “I was told I had no choice, the two that were there when i woke up said I had no choice and to follow them.”

Beezlebub was sure there was at least one person judging in the crowd right now, and she wished she had sent anyone else to go there rather than those two.

“....Right. Of course.” 

War stepped up. “So there’s a chance he could attack us, yes?”

Aziraphale seemed genuinely flustered. “Oh, n-n-no, I wouldn’t want to do that.”

The large, flame haired woman eyed him up and down, then turned to the others. “You all sense it, right? You can smell it?” She smiled, fangs catching in the light. “It’s  _ Eden _ . We have ourselves a new god. The first since we left. And  _ look _ at him. That power.” She took a step closer to the platform, and her grin grew as sharp as the sword. “Oh the possibilities….”

Aziraphale shuffled backwards, and Gabriel and Beezlebub spared another look as the whispers went around the room, words spoken behind fingers and eyes suspiciously flittering from the new god to the other gods. 

Sensing that Aziraphale was about three seconds from bolting, Gabriel caught his arm and walked him down to the tables, speaking with a jovial tone in his voice. “Hush, now, all of you. That’s enough of that kind of talk. There is plenty of ambrosia and food to go around, dig in!” He patted Aziraphale on the back and handed him a plate with one last grin, and then walked away. 

Back by their thrones, Gabriel drew Beezlebub back. “What are we going to do? Look at this.” He very emphatically did not gesture at the rest of the room, but it was a near thing. 

Beezlebub was looking. She had not become Queen of the Gods for nothing. it had taken skill, cleverness, patience...it had taken time and blood and pain and…

She touched Gabriel’s wristly as gently as she could and traced the bruises there idly as her brain work. Those early days of following the humans had been messy, ugly, glorious at times and disappointing at others. The gods had not started off peaceful, it had taken many decades to find the balances in their powers and their egos…

She curled her fingers into her husband’s. “I think I know what to do.” He slanted his eyes at her. “How quickly can we throw together a wedding gift?”

* * *

Aziraphale took his plate of food and slunk into a corner to hide. Luckily, while they kept staring at him, they didn’t seem inclined to converse with him. Or...attack him. Although he was keeping that one woman well within eyeline, thank you very much. Currently she was draping over someone he think he had heard called “Keb” or “Seb” or something. 

There was a flicker of movement beside him. The god flicked his eyes over and observed a tall fellow, dressed in all black, with flowing red hair and an easy smile on his face as he spoke.

“Well, that went down like a lead balloon.”


End file.
